Bigger look on Life

 I was pass through many storms in my life just to realize how much bigger life is,

I thought of getting a high salary professor/scientist job, having a wife whom I intrested for long time and thought of caring my mother, sister and friends.

Thoughts of living life of Eight fold path of Buddha was also there in my mind.

Surely I am not the guy who has lot of dreams for future but it's all about living with what I am having.(Not of chemistry skills/knowledge)

I am/was intrested in chemistry but not sure how much deeply I love it.

Deep inside i love to be spiritual person, always drawn towards it in all paths of my life till today.

It was purely my fault that I was worried about my sisters marriage,my brothers future.but now I am realizing that life is too much bigger.

A simple Idea of publishing a magazine having nude pics to make males to get excite/make them sex educated is going to build an Empire arround it.its just a belief of a guy who witnessed his bodily instinct/mental things ia same for other boys too.which is relatively true.

Why i always worried about a life of helplessness,beliflessness, Why i did work which not really excited me

Now I really surprised to look back how stupid, how narrow minded I was at that time,

My situations/people arround me contributed me to think like that.i am fortunate that little bit of gratitude in lord made me aware of these things now.

I never ever believed lot of things in my life,that was my fault, it's hard for me to find things which i can believe blindly

Through out my life i believed the following things

1.i need to work myself to earn my own food,not to depend others was a belief me to keep walking in life

2.i believed i was doing work for my self,my mother, sister.friends , brother bit and for my lover.these all served me till now.mothing is permanent here...

3.i believed my self conscious, I know when I am doing something bad I know it's horrible results before.

Even I knew most time that if I am doing something right I will get good joyful results.

But I was failed to recognise or aware more about what I am doing right, I was not aware about those

I was just did those things unconsciously because i ran after others passion/job,i tried more time to hit a Rock to get diamond but I never went to dig deep into ocean to get treasure

Now I am researcher , doing this job out of dedication (50,/,)comes out of my own belief that is getting your bread and butter is good thing

But still I didn't getting real joy in it,i might got some momentry pleasure (ketamine)

Still I can be happy by getting diamonds by hitting Rock, I need to understand the joy of the guy doing that, doing a activity in joyful manner, enjoy doing something in pleasurable way.find ways to do anything pleasurable.

Don't ever stick to single thing/job in Life,things boring as soon as possible , always try to do different/try to enter onto new horizon. But believe things that really mattered you And believe things which you feel they really matters in future for you

Reputation/Respect are temporary in this world,so never ever try to satisfy someone else, don't ever be show too much sincerity to someone than yourself

You can be decieved even by your loved once but not yourself Dear

What really matters is what you truly believe, what your true values are going to stay in this world even after your death

You are what your values are,and what you believe and Why you are living in this world